Since the beginning of time, people have been searching for the meaning of life, but finding the answer seems nearly impossible. In fact, I spent years asking myself what I wanted out of life and trying to find the reasons why I kept repeating the same destructive patterns. It wasn’t until one day I had an epiphany that finally helped me understand what had been holding me back all along and changed my life forever.
I was driving through Nevada on my way to Idaho completely alone. I started a job that promised me the “freedom to travel”, and I was slowly realizing their idea of freedom and travel were completely different than mine.
No one warned me ahead of time that this would be a 13-hour ride through almost 1000 miles of desert. With less than an hour’s notice I was traveling through an area where there was no signal, no radio, and absolutely no contact with anyone but gas station attendants every few hundred miles.
I had driven thousands of miles for this job, but it was always with my partner who was also my boyfriend of 5 yrs. The craziest part? We had just broken up 2 days earlier. I’ve never had such a clear picture of what was wrong with my life and so much time to marinate in it.
On that day, it became clear to me that my life had become unmanageable. I had gone back and forth in a toxic cycle with my partner too many times and what I was doing for a paycheck was another dead end. If I died that day, I would have been alone, emotionally distraught, and working for a company that would have replaced me within a week.
All I could think was …is this all there is?
I was finally able to see the big picture and realize that once again, I had abandoned myself through a series of choices that took me even further away from where I had intended to be.
And in an instant—everything changed.
I knew that if I wanted to live a life of freedom, I needed to create it myself and the toxic cycles that I continued to repeat were rooted in my inability to see my own worthiness.
Needless to say, when I arrived at my destination, I quit my job and pointed my vehicle back east. I wish I could say that everything worked out and I lived happily ever after but that would be a lie.
The process that got me to this point was full of twists and turns, and failures. I learned really fast you can tell yourself a thousand lies to justify what you do and how you act, but you can’t run away from your own trauma.
It took a full 2 years for me to end my toxic relationship, sell my belongings and start to travel the world. And looking back now, I can see that it was fear that kept me stuck the whole time. And the only way to embrace true freedom was to let go of my fear.
In short, if something is holding you back from being truly happy, then be brave enough to look at the part you’re playing in the whole scenario. Once I was honest with myself and started to accept how self-destructive I had been over the years, my whole life began to change.
There is so much potential inside each one of us; we just need to be brave enough to see it. So, if you’re feeling stuck, or feel like something is holding you back from being truly happy then please know that you are not alone.
The universe is constantly moving us toward balance and happiness. Once you learn to let go of your fear, true freedom will come rushing in. And once that happens there is no stopping you!
